Vous savez que vous lisez trop le Seigneur des Anneaux quand..

1)You wake up in white, with swords laid across your neck and chest.
4. When you try to make advanced philosopical conversation with the trees in the forest.
8)When sunlight makes you weak and dizzy.
9)You get a little curious about how your children might look if had them with an orc
11) When you start giving presents to others on your own birthday.
16) When you try to pick up girls by telling them you're really the King of Gondor in disguise, and you ask them if they
want to see your "Sceptre of Annuminas"
19) When you start shaving the hair on your feet so they will get 'furry'.
21) when you demand that all your friends and family replace your second name with 'The White'
25) when you permanently follow your boss around, call him Master and tell him you love him!
26) When someone demands immediate action and you reply "Hoom Hum, lets not be hasty.
27) When you name your steak knife Anduril.
29) When you bite off your mom's wedding ring and accidentally fall into the toilet in your excitement at getting your precious back
31) When you scream "ELBERETH!!!!" during sex.
36) When you strangle your friends at lunch time to get their twinkies from them, and then hide their bodies in the nearest river.
49) When you can read pages of the books from 5 furlongs.
51) When you start looking for life partners with 'Elvish features'.
55) When you try to find your future by looking in your bathroom mirror.
57) When you get turned on by the idea of your partner dressing up as Galadriel.
58) When you get turned on by the idea of you dressing up as Galadriel.
59) When after sex your partner passes you a pouch of Pipe-Weed and a pipe and starts stroking your hairy feet!
61) When you start wondering what Orcs would be like in bed.
67) At parting from your friends, say, "Farewell wherever you fare til your eyeries receive you at your journey's
end" and fully expecting the correct response
73) When you blame the size of your organ on having a magical pubic ring that make things invisible, and thereafter refering to it as "The One"...
77) Your boss seems to have turned into an all-seeing flaming eye.
82) You hike to the Empire State Building and demand to see Saruman.
85) You are sure that there are mithril deposits in your basement, if only you can slip by the balrog living in the furnace.
86) You spend endless hours peering into your neighbors' birdbath, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Shire.
94) When you insist on getting small rooms with round windows when checking into a hotell.
95)When you think that girls dig men in blue trousers and yellow stockings.
96) When you understand every single reference (no matter how obscure) on this thread
102) When you think you can see the Blessed Realm from the top of the Eiffel Tower
111. When you are writing cards and wish everyone a Merry Brandybuck instead of Christmas.
114. When you find yourself carefully circumnavigating willow trees.
116) When you hold every map you own up to the moonlight looking for magic writing
118) When you and 14 other people stop in unexpectedly at a friend's house and you tell them to wait in the car coming 2 at a time every few minutes
126) When you start groping in your pocket for a ring every time you get embarrased.
129. You realize that Galadriel is Elrond's mother-in-law.
130. You wonder if he called her Mom.
131. You tell your kid to be back for dinner "ere darkness falls"
133) When you work in an ice cream stand, and you think that you see the words "middle earth" written up on the price board. Then you look again and see it really says "milk shake"!
(this really happened!)
136) When you fill an empty perfume bottle with water, carry it everywhere and hold it up in complete darkness claiming that it is Galadriel's phial.
142) You form a group of "Ent Activists" and start picketing Christmas tree lots.
143) After the "Ent Activists" disband, you break down and buy a tree. But instead of decorating it you put a sexy evening gown on it and tell people it's your entwife.
146) When you spend hours gazing at your bowling ball trying to figure out what Sauron's up to.
148) you thrust up your middle finger and yell "f*** you, Nazgul!" everytime an airplane flies over head
149) when you refer to your mother-in-laws house as "Shelob's Lair"
150) you're planning a family road trip and you discover the only maps in your house are of Middle Earth
157) When you refer to your co-workers halitosis as The Black Breath.
158) When you start to wonder why your boss doesn't turn to stone in the sun.
162) When you see a guy with a bulge in his pants and say, "Are those the shards of Narsil, or are you just happy to see me?"
169) When you give your kid a twinkie for a snack and after they eat it you say "don't eat it so fast! That whole
twinkie would have lasted for a full days march!!"
172)...When 491 days from now you take the hottest date you've had in a while to a certain movie, and when she starts coming on to you during the movie you push her back saying, "Not now, they might have kept Bombadil after all!"
175) You call the OFF insect repellant hotline, inquiring as to whether or not their product is effective against neeker-breekers.
177) When you attend an NBA game and wonder what the hell happened to Pippin.
180)You spray paint your motorcycle white, dress up in bedsheets and speed down the highway, screaming, "Onward Shadowfax!"
180) You order your daughter's boyfriend to bring you a Silmaril.
182) You add the prefix "Sackville" to the last names of your least favorite relatives.
184) You were disappointed when you found out that the Eagles' new tour referred to a rock band.
187)When after getting married you take a good look at your wedding ring and see the slogan "Nine for mortal men doomed to die"
192. You begin to observe the standing silence at mealtimes.
202) When you see a airplane fly over and you chase it calling "Earendil! Earendil!"
205) When you put all your jewellery and other shiny valuables on the wall and proceed to call yourself" Lord of the Glittering caves"
207). When you exclaim "Yé! utúvienyes!" after a successful search for the TV Remote Control.
210) when you seriously start wondering if gandalf could beat saruman in a steel cage match... which we all know he could
210) when you start to think that the qe2 and other cruise ships should be shaped like swans
217) Your first comment upon seeing your new niece is "Wow, she looks like a hobbit."
227) You're working on a book, but just can't settle on a title.
228) You lock up your spoons each time you leave the house.
229) You remember a friend's birthday because "it's 3 days after Bilbo and Frodo's."
213) When hunting for a new house you insist on having a guest room built for people shorter than 4 feet.
236)You refer to the caves as Moria
237)You call your mother-in-Law a Balrog
238)You call your Husband a Nazgul.
268) You develop a passion for mushrooms that surpasses even the greediest likings of Big People.
270) You keep your keys on a massive keyring with many smaller keyrings attached, and you call yourself "the Lord
of the Keyrings" and claim that the big keyring is the "One Keyring to bind them".
274) you become positivly Hasty at the thought of attending an Ent Moot
283)you invite the guy who cuts your grass to go everywhere with you.
284) You start referring to an older relative of yours as "The Gaffer"
285. You begin ending all your sentences with "...in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie."
286. Your girlfriend breaks up with you after you begin commenting at every meal that "...this sure would taste better with a mess of my Gaffer's 'taters!"
289) When you stop at Hobbit Travel in the Twin Cities to arrange a trip to Middle Earth, and get arrested for causing a scene when they claim not to understand what you are talking about. [Hobbit Travel _is_ a real travel agency in St. Paul, MN.]
290) When you actually know there is a Hobbit Travel in St. Paul MN!
291) ...you seriously consider visiting Minnesota *just* to see Hobbit Travel.
292) You call Hobbit Travel to find out what its group Fellowship rates are.
302) When your reaction to anything you don't like is "We hates it! We hates it forever!"
312) You describe your daily commute by saying that it is '10 miles as the crow flies but 15 miles as the wolf runs.'
315) Your wedding vows include "With this one ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them
all, and in the darkness bind them, I thee wed."
319) You say that a lazy person has gone "absolutely treeish."
326) Everytime you walk to the front of a grocerystore with automatic doors..you wave your hand in front of it and say"MELLON"
330) You try to cross Niagara Falls by throwing a rope across and running on it.
331) You realize halfway across that you're not an elf.
333) You consider growing your beard long, forking it, and tucking it in your belt.
334) You wake up and Gandalf's G rune is scratched onto your door.
335) At the local bar you call for a song.
336) You pile all of your money and jewelry in your basement and sleep on it every night.
345) When you refuse to go to America until you have retrieved the silmarils from Morgoth.
349. When you exclaim "Ai! The Mumakil are upon us" while on the monorail at the Bronx Zoo, for kicks.
353) Your close friend dies and you put him in a canoe and let him float down river.
357) When, on your deathbed, you tell her that there's still time to repent ang make for the Havens
387)you refuse to pay taxes to anyone but the heir of isildur
388) which lands you in jail.......were you start calling your jailers Gorbag and Shagrat
393)you stand in front of your mother in law and say"YOU CANNOT PASS..THE DARK FIRE SHALL NOT AVAIL YOU,FLAME OF UDUN..GO BACK TO THE SHADOW.
397) You have a deep understanding of all the uses for the phrase "good morning"
408) When you say 'Well I'm back' after every outing.
411) Your mother decides she wants to go to New Zealand to audition for the part of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.
416) When you, when talking about someone's age to someone, if the person being talked about is in their twenties, you say they are in their "irresponsible tweens"
417) You are sure that if you would put your engagement ring on the fire, it would say "ash nazg durbatuluk..."
424)When you go into a chat room you say "Out of the great internet to (name of chat room) I am come. In this place I will abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world.
444)you think that "Royal Flush" refers to the drowning of Arvedui Last-king
448)You buy the Barenaked Ladies cd because in the "thank you"s it says "Special BNL award to Bilbo Janus of Nashville, Tennessee, for maximum elven hospitality."
449)...and that doesn't strike you as odd at all
450)..except for the fact that "elven" should be capitalized
455) Your bike is called Roheryn, because one of your friends has already used the name Shadowfax for his.
456) It seems perfectly normal to you that, in the middle of a battle, soldiers should now and then stop fighting to sing or recite alitterated poetry.
461) You think for a minute about what Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin said to Tilion.
467)You say "mellon" in the hope that the car door will open after you've locked the keys inside
468)You won't go camping without your pots and pans
469) Even if the only thing to eat on the tramp is lembas
478)when you insist that donuts are lembas and that is why cops can work such long shifts
482) You refer to your relatives as "The Hordes of Mordor" and your mother-in-law IS a Balrog and owns a flaming sword.
483)You look for secret doors before you spend a night in a cave.
500)when you spend over 2 and a half hours compiling all these sayings onto one text file and feel you've accomplished something important.
507. You spend the entire Christmas season gritting your teeth whenever someone refers to Santa's Helpers as "elves."
511. You can trace your descent back to the Houses of Bëor, Hadar, or Haleth.
520. You call your computer "The Palantir."
530) When everyone in your family and everyone you know has read LOTR just so you'd get off their backs
555. ...you think the plural of cannon is cennyn.
563) When you walk into Bilbo's Tavern in Akron, Ohio (A real place) and notice with all of its Tolkien paintings and round windows that it reminds you of the Green Dragon.......
564) You name the AI on the mainframe "Sauron".
589.)You fix stewed rabbit with herbs on a regular occasion and don't find anything disgusting about it.
604) You have all the naes of the Istari in your address book. Saruman at Orthanc, Isengard. And under Gandalf you have put, "no address for he dwells in no place, and gathers neither wealth nor followers, but ever goes to and fro, befriending all folk in times of need."
608?)Whenever in a situation requiring respect you immediately "throw back your cloak, and suddenly attain a commanding regal presence, while seemingly growing large in stature and nobleness."
5)When you turn off the lights and shout riddles to your co-workers. Then you creep closer everytime they stall.
7)When you compare your height to the children at the playground and say, "One day, your race will grow to the height of men."
12)When your girlfriend thinks your sweet when you stroke her hand and call her "My Precious", but she doesn't know your really stroking the ring on her finger...
13) When you meet an attractive member of the opposite sex and begin carrying around a lock of their hair.
15) When, on Halloween, you get 8 of your mates together, dress up as the Nazgul, and charge up to people's houses, knocking down their doors and hissing, "Where is he? Where is Bagginss? "
16) You do the above when its not Halloween.
When you replace the title (general manager, etc.) on your boss's door with the words, "The Took."
When a man named Sam Gamgee has a restraining order against you.
When you swear that you didn't run into the tree, it jumped out in front of you AND IT"S NOT A TREE !!!
When you say something to your mum that starts with " In lord of the rings...." her eyes glaze over.
1. Someone takes your spot at the supermarket and you yell "A Elbereth! Gilthoniel"
7. You date short fat guys with hairy feet